Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
