She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
