hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
