I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
