I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
