it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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