yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
