I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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