The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
