My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
