When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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