She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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