I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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