he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize