have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize