Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
