so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
