he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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