I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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