I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
