Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
