No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
