his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
