I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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