thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
