Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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