hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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