Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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