So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
