Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
