The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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