Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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