Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
