Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
