So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
