you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
