Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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