dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
