The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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