Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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