i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
