I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
