I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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