when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
