I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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