loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You don't make any sense
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