Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Holy sore nipples Batman
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
