Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
