her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I smell like Dick and happiness
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