She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
