Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
