all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
