Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Fuck appropriateness.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
