Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
