So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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