Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
