i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
