wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
