i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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