I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
