in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
