I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
