Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
