Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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