your parents love me but you hate me
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i don't like sucking hair
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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