I heard we made out
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
