You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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