I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
