Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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