yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
