I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
