everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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