a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
