somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
