Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
