Already got asked if we're dating
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
