I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize