just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
