if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
