It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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