genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
