Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
