What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
