you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My breasts were aching with rage.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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