I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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