Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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