toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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