Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
