i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
