I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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