The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
