When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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