Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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