you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize