I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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