I can't watch pbs sober anymore
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
