she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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