and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
