Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
