sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Randomize
