You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I am one with the molecules
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
