While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
