why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
