Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
