what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
