PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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