Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
