i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
