Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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