I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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