you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
