At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
